Que the shark attack music...

So...I have 24 days left of my 20's.

Dum, dum duuuum.

I'm not gonna lie, man, that stings.

That stings worse than hitting the bars with your girlfriends and having the same bouncer who ID's ALL of your friends, wave you through without a second glance, and mutter, "you're fine".  And try as I might, and believe me, I tried, I know deep down that he didn't really mean, "Girl, you so fiiine".

That stings worse than shopping in a clothing store in town, and overhearing two girls, who are roughly 15 years younger than me, looking at the same boots that I'm currently wearing, and saying, "No, I don't want to get those boots, I think I'm too old for them.  I don't want it to look like I'm trying too hard."

That stings worse than going to a hipster coffee shop and being called ma'am, loud enough for everyone to hear through their beanies.  And not knowing if it's pronounced "Grand" or "Grande".  And accidently almost tipping him $20 on my debit, before trying to quietly fix it, only to have the big red "CANCELLED" slip print, with the amount on it, tip included, that I cancelled out of.

Yep.  Damn, that stings.

So when I turned 27, I clearly remember telling my co-workers that I was going to lose weight, because there was no way I was going to turn 30 like this, overweight and mad at myself.  Life is too short, I said.

Then 28 hit, and I gained back a little bit of the weight I had lost, but vowed it would be gone before 30.  I still had two years, afterall.

29 came along pretty damn quick.  I mean, what the hell happened there, anyways?  I blame it on cell phones.  They make spare time pass so quickly, that the next thing we know a whole year has passed while we're playing Angry Birds.  Those friggin' pigs.

So now it's crunch time.  I should be eating raw celery and drinking a ton of water.  Because my deadline is almost here, and I still have about 20lbs to lose.

Yet here I am, eating a jumbo sized peanut butter cookie, and drinking coffee at 10pm.  And I say screw it.  Because damnit, this cookie is Ah-mazing.

Last year, we had a friend of ours pass away, and she was only 42.  She was like a barbie doll.  Beautiful, slim, everything I have always wished I could be, physically speaking.  I thought she was beautiful.  She could eat anything she wanted, and never gain an ounce.  And I was immensely jealous of that.  But then she died of stomach cancer, with three week's warning.  How's that for a wake up call.  This woman, who I would have given my right leg to look like, was not going to see her 43rd birthday.  And buddy, I tell ya, that really shook me up.

I had a very hard time dealing with that.  It wasn't even that we were particularly close.  We were friends, through my husband's work, and we had spent some time together.  But I didn't even have her on facebook. I never really thought about it, until I found out that she was dying, and then, for some stupid reason I can't explain, it didn't feel right adding her.

So in light of her passing, I decided to change some things about myself.

Instead of wasting my time being miserable that I have a bit of a double chin, and a body that will never showcase a bikini, at least not well, I say fuck it.

Of course, I want to be healthy.  And of course it would be nice to lose a little weight so my jeans fit a little better, and I can shop anywhere I please, with ease.  But isn't part of being healthy, also being happy?  Can I make myself happy with myself, as I am, and let go of the rest?  Enjoy a jumbo peanut butter cookie every now and then, in moderation of course, without making myself feel guilty over my choices later?  I think I can.  But maybe it's the feel-good endorphines from this fantastically, almost raw in the middle cookie that is telling me that it's all good and I won't hate myself tomorrow for eating this.

Most of all, I want to set an example for my children that says that you can be happy and healthy and enjoy life 100%, no matter what.  And of course, every day I don't necessarily showcase that to the best of my ability, but I will try harder.  Afterall, they can find skinny role models anywhere.

So have a cookie.  Or a bowlful of chips.

I usually only snack on weekends, but tonight I say fuck it.

Life is too short, afterall.