You know when it's time to just step back

In the past three weekends, we have attended 7 birthday parties consisting of swimming, skating, bouncy castles, and in-home parties, an all day Kub Kar race, church 3 times, my husband worked two days and attended an all-day training session for sound equipment (which means he's in the music industry now, as he reminds me about 3 times a week), all over and above the normal struggles to go grocery shopping, fill cupcake orders, see a few friends, etc.  

To top it off, I had a personal disappointment this weekend, when a much-needed reality check was provided to me by an old high school acquaintance, who was able to step back from my expectations and very kindly tell me that a business idea I've been formulating in my head and heart for 2 years now was not going to work, and I should, for lack of a better sentiment, give up on it and move on.

That hurt, but he didn't tell me anything that I think I may have known already. I think that in my optimistic head-in-the-clouds sort of way, I was just denying it and avoiding the truth.

We are not a fast paced family.  We have tried to keep our kids from getting involved in too much stuff, simply because if we are constantly on the move, there is no time for us to just sit, hang out, and reconnect.

This week is turning into a nightmare, and this is just one of many.  But this week I can really feel the weight of everything that is going on.  

I feel totally and mentally drained at the moment.  It is 9:20pm, and I am seriously considering packing up this blog post early and hittin the hay.  So let's see how far we get....

Last week we had diorama's to make for Literacy week.  This week is some-other-kind-of-week, and tomorrow is crazy hair day.  Really fun, awesome stuff, and I'm totally glad that the school's doing it.  But.....

Yesterday was Monday, and a night that is normally a quiet-ish night, I took my sister to walmart, which was a welcomed break out of the house.  Husband was home, but was feeling like utter shit with what we thought was a cold coming on, so no homework was really accomplished, and not much of anything else was done after we ate supper.

Tonight, Darren was invited to join a friend at a hockey game, and my son had cubs.  This is the one thing that he is involved in right now, since his Tae Kwon Do school folded.  Tonight they were supposed to work on badges.  Chase has a few badges, but I'll be damned if I can find them.  The poor child does not have any sewn onto his uniform, and I don't even know where the few that he has are.  He's supposed to be working on them at home, which would be a great concept if not for the rest of this blog post.  

Shaelin and I stayed home and worked on her homework.

While we were working on her homework and I was putting things away around the house, I came across the project that Chase is supposed to do this week.  He is student of the week, which is an awesome concept, if not for the rest of this blog post.

Student of the week should mean something awesome, like, "hey, guess what?  We are going to give you all the fun stuff to do this week, and you are not going to have to do any homework this week!"  

Yay!

But....*sigh*....

This is not the case.  It goes more like this.

"Hey, guess what?  This week you are going to be the STUDENT OF THE WEEK!  You are going to get all your normal homework, AND we are going to give you extra homework to do too, including making a giant poster about yourself that will take the effort of two weeks worth of homework, but you are going to have to return it on Friday instead.  And on Friday, not only are we going to make you present it and talk about yourself in front of the class while all the other non-important students this week sit back and listen while not doing any work, BUT we are also going to get your MOM (in our case) to come in, and entertain the class for half an hour! She won't have a clue what to do, but since you're in Grade 3 now, it better be really fun and really cool or else people are going to make fun of you because your mom is weird and not fun at all."

Now please don't get me wrong.  It's a very cool idea, and I know that Chase is looking forward to it.  And I was too, first when I heard about it back in September.   

But now it's February. 

I'm cold, tired, and crooked, and the last thing I want to do is get dressed up and go and try very hard NOT to make an ass of myself in front of 30 3rd graders.

I know, I know....#firstworldproblems.

Shaddup.

While I was clearing things away after I finally got the kids in bed, I came across a project that Shaelin is supposed to be working on for Sparks, for her badges.  

And I thought....honest to God....

WHAT ELSE???

With all the activities they want to be in, the homework they have to do, the special projects and clubs they are in that are sending home at-home-work, how the hell are we supposed to keep on top of it all?!  

And my kids are only in one activity each!!

How the hell are we supposed to get any housework done when by the time the kids hit the sack we are zonked and feeling very zombiesque.  When does one go for groceries?  Or make sandwiches for the next day?  Or give the kids baths?  Or bathe the dog?  Or mop the floor?  Or use the jacuzzi tub?  Or finish that damn bottle of wine?

When are the kids supposed to just play?

Tomorrow night we take them swimming.  The next day Shaelin's homework is due.  Then Chase's homework AND his student-of-the-week project AND my activity with his class is due.  

Then it's the weekend with more birthday parties, more running around, more expectations of things that will get done, and more disappointment and frustration when they don't get done.

This is when I have to take a step back.

Sometimes, we all need to remind ourselves of something.

I am very blessed. I know that. I can't let myself forget that the very fact that I am so tired because we have too many fun things to keep us occupied is a good thing.

The very fact that I have a husband and two healthy children is something to be thankful for.

There are many families who would love to have my frustrations and trade their own.  There are many parents who, instead of taking their children to birthdays and cubs, they are taking them to treatments and specialists.

There are many couples that are not as blessed as we are.  

We may have mortgages and credit card payments, but our debt is not consuming us.

We may argue at times, or get angry, but at least our lives are not filled with disappointment, bitterness and even hatred.

We may have a messy house, but at least we have a house.

We may be busy and be running around constantly, but at least we have places to go and people to see.

My job may drive me nuts more often than not, but at least I have a job and can work.

My business plan may have been doomed from the start, but at least I found out before I had lost any money on it, and now I can take a step back and re-evaluate my hopes and desires.

And I may be tired this week, but at least I have a place to lay my head, and at least my tiredness is not complete and utter mental exhaustion.

When I take a step back, I can see my life for what it is - pretty wonderful on the whole.

I hope you'll take the time to step back from your own life and see that it may not be all that bad.

And if it really and truly is that bad right now, I hope you can step back and realize that it won't be that way forever.