I'm a creep....

So I was on facebook today, creeping around on some people that I used to know.  (ie- checking out facebook profiles of people I am not personally friends with to see how their lives are going, etc).  I know it's weird, there's a reason it's been coined Creeping.  But no one can tell me they don't do it themselves, or at least think about creeping people now and then. 

 

The weird thing about creeping people, is that you never really know what you are going to find.  Especially if it's someone that you've lost contact with a long time ago.  For years and years I had tried to figure out a way to track down an old childhood friend of mine.  Every now and then, I would randomly do a search on whatever social network I was using at the time (ICQ, Hi5!, facebook, etc) to try and locate him. 

 

There was never anything. 

 

Nada.

 

Like he vanished into thin air.

 

Until suddenly, there he was.  I had found his profile on facebook.  And the funny, goofy, endearing guy we had been friends with years ago was on my screen.  I was finally able to see him; in all his hemp and poncho glory, sporting some less-than-neat-o facial hair and possibly questionable hygiene. 

 

I called my bestie, and got her to search for him. Quietly, and without hesitation we both decided that we wish we hadn't ever looked for him. We quietly closed our browsers, turned off the computers, and never spoke of it again.

 

Then there are other people who you can search for and you find that the person has exceeded your every expectation to your surprise and dismay.  Especially when that person is an ex.  This hasn't personally happened to me, of course, all my ex's have been completely torn up and have never fully recovered from the loss.  This is just an example, not related to me at all.  But I imagine that this has happened to some people, and it must suck.

 

Royally.

 

Creeping can be destructive, though, so you have to be careful who you creep.  And if you learn anything by creeping, be very careful in how you use that information. Or better yet, just don't use it.

 

Bosses wife at the Christmas party:  Guess what my husband gave me for Christmas?

You:  Oh, I saw the beautiful bracelet, you must have loved it!
Wife: Um.  No.  He gave me a Roomba.  What bracelet are you talking about?

 

Eeeesh.

 

Creeping a person on facebook is like running into someone that you don't want to talk to, but knowing that you are safely across the room from them in a safe place where you can watch them at will and not be detected.

 

Not in a place like, for example, if you were at a ob-gyn's office, waiting for your pre-natal appointment, feeling like a sweaty whale at 8.46 months preggo, and looking up from your embarrassing women's health article to see an old friend, whom you left off on less than ideal or flattering circumstances, and his new skinny, cute little non-sweaty wife. 

 

That is a perfect example of why creeping is so great.  Because you wouldn't have to hide behind your embarrassing magazine and mumble something about it being too warm, and pretending that you don't recognize them, when your red face clearly tells a different story.

 

If you were creeping on him instead, you could eat your chocolate covered pickle ice cream in the privacy of your kitchen, and mumble obscenities to yourself about her cutsie little garden and their cutsie little ball of fur with the pink bow in it's hair.  I mean, come on. 

 

Barf.

 

And it doesn't have to be an ex, even, it could be anyone who is no longer in your life that you wish you could be only at your best when you see them.  The reason why you feel that way is not important, but sometimes it is merely a matter of pride, goddamnit.

 

I feel that way about most everyone that I have ever known in my life, no matter who  they are or why I knew them.  If I go out to a store, if I see someone in the distance, I'll find myself sending up a silent prayer, "Please let them not see me this time.  Please let them run into me in a few months instead, when I have a chance to loose some weight, touch up my roots, or at least put a bit of powder on my face"...

 

Maybe it's a lack of self-confidence, maybe it's a little bit of snobbish attitude, or perhaps it's just a little bit of social anxiety.  Whatever, I'm sure it's not just me that feels this way sometimes. 

 

So I take comfort in the fact that I'm not alone in that, and you should too.  For every person that I creep, I'm sure there are a few people creeping my own facebook.  There's a reason that we put our best pictures on facebook and untag ourselves from any unflattering pictures.  It's not just for the people you are friends with, because if they are real friends they won't give a shit what your hair looks like, or if you have a double chin in your picture.  Sometimes it's for the people that you aren't friends with as much as anyone else. 

 

Sometimes, it's merely a matter of pride, goddamnit.