If your entire cell system renews itself every 7 years....

Is that why some marriages suffer the seven year itch?  Does that mean that we should renew our vows every seven years just to make sure we're still on board, agreeing to the same things we agreed to at the first marriage?  

Wait, what?  When did I agree to that?  Oh, no you don't...take that out, and then we'll renew this contract...I mean vows.  Yes...our vows.

Does that mean that I have to wait another 5 years before my body hits another multiple of seven, and therein I might receive the hourglass figure I want, without having to work for it?  I don't care about my weight, I'll keep that, whatever.  Just move my spare tire to my hips and my chin to my boobs and I'll be all set.  Nothing else should move though.  I don't want cankles.

Or is a slow process that happens over the seven years?  Does that mean that my spare tire might be slowly migrating south as we speak to join my hips and butt?  What about my chin?  Does that mean that as it's moving, I'm going to have one of those floppy turkey gobbler neck thingys for a little while?  I don't mind a double chin, on second thought.  Have you ever looked at a turkey?  I mean really looked at one.  Those poor birds have got to be the most disturbing piece of work I've ever seen.  You think zombies are freaky?  Pah!  Whatever.  I'd take flesh eating zombies any day over a herd (herd?) of giant, non-flying, pecking, squawking, bat-shit crazy ugly birds chasing me around.

Any day.

So yesterday, the kids and I were sitting at our bar, drinking hot chocolate with whipped cream, and I asked them if they knew what zombies were.  It's always fun to hear their answers to this stuff, because you know they are hearing about this stuff in school.

Shaelin wasn't sure, but Chase said that he sort of knew.  He knew that they were green, and they walk around trying to eat brains.  Braaaaainz.

Shaelin interjected to say that she had seen something like that, on tv, except he was wrapped in toilet paper.

Chase said that that was a Mommy, but they were only from the pyramids, because when people died, their friends would wrap them in toilet paper, and stick them in the pyramids and that's where they would live, trying to find brains to eat.

Sounds legit.

The conversations I have with the kids are usually hilarious and insightful at the same time, and I often wonder what they take away from them.  I always try to be as honest as I can, and answer them in anything they ask me.  But only give them just enough information to answer it, and not offer any extra.  Especially with Shaelin, because that child will ask you questions, on top of questions, on top of questions.  Until eventually I hear myself saying, "Ok, mommy is done talking now.  Why don't you go play now.  Please.  Now."

She asked me a few weeks ago where babies come from.  

Da Da daaaaa.

We were sitting to the table, and Darren was sitting on the couch trying to activate all his super powers to make himself disappear into the sofa, or at least be invisible, and I had to field it myself.

So, being as honest as I could, I explained how babies grow inside their mother's belly.  Then she interjects, impatiently, and says, "Yes, but how to they get out of there?"

Which is thankfully the lesser of the two evil questions.   Much better than, how they got in there.

So I explained how when the baby is ready, they start trying to push their way out, and the mommy has to push them out of her vagina.  And it hurts.  A lot.  But it's worth it when the mommy sees the sweet little baby and she knows she loves her very much.

But, that's not how my kids were born.  So I have to explain about c-sections as well, and explain that the Doctor actually cut me open and hauled them out by their feet, into the cold, sterile room, and smacks them on the bum to make sure they are ok, and then staples mommy back up, and she has a lovely red scar to live with for the rest of her life.  And then maybe a second one, that's a little bit squish, causing the little belly overhanging the scar to hang a little lower on one side that the other, giving her a lopsided, goofy looking belly.

Oh, ok, I didn't say it quite like that.

But then I showed them my scars.  And the look on their faces was priceless when Shaelin, a little bit awe struck and a little bit horrified, said, "Umm, wait....we came out of there?"  

Priceless.